How to Boost Your Self-esteem and Confidence

How often have you listened to that inner voice within you - a word of praise “aren’t you special!’, a positive reinforcement about yourself ‘go for it, you can do it!‘, or even an outright discouragement ‘you are just not worth it!’. This is your self-esteem speaking. Self-esteem is one’s appraisal of one’s worth. Self-esteem is an index of the amount of confidence and satisfaction you have in yourself. Self esteem is the collection of beliefs we have about ourselves.

This voice speaks in two ways - it can be positive and reassuring for some - for those who have a high self-esteem. At the same time, for those with a low self-esteem, this inner voice constantly criticizes, pulls them down, and negates their achievements.

The characteristics of a low self-esteem individual are all too evident, degrees, of course may vary - non-risk taker; looks for approvals externally; fears rejection; insecure, anxious, nervous with others; irrational beliefs.

Why is self-esteem so important? How we feel about ourselves affects how we act and react. A high self-esteem is as essential as oxygen, as uplifting as the fragrance of fresh roses, as warm as the golden sunshine - so very vital to a healthy life and state of mind. A low self-esteem can result in self-doubt, stress, anxiety, relationship problems, underachievement , spiraling down to a lack of interest in life itself

Self-esteem is derived from many factors - our goals in life, achievements, place in the world, how we relate to others, our successes/failures, how we perceive others seeing us, to name a few. Our self-esteem develops and evolves throughout our lifetime- beginning right from our childhood- and is constantly being influenced by our interactions with different people and activities.

A positive self-esteem reinforces your confidence. If you have confidence, you tend to respect yourself. This further translates into a respect for others, improved relationships, confidence in one’s achievements, willingness and drive to pursue happiness, success etc. Confidence in self-helps you cope with situations in a positive light, to accept failures with a shrug, gives you the courage to try again.

A positive self-esteem and confidence walk hand in hand both are essential towards having a healthy and fulfilling life. Therefore, it is very essential to focus on building a positive self-esteem for oneself, in order to avoid the feeling of being incapacitated in our daily lives. Find below a few tips on building a positive self-esteem, which is by no means an exhaustive list.

Give yourself positive feedback - don’t put yourself down
Do not dwell on your mistakes
Celebrate your strengths
Be yourself - in all situations
Set realistic goals for oneself
Expand your comfort zones - try new things

Like most things in life, this cannot be achieved overnight, but taking a small, confident step at a time. At every small measure of success, praise yourself, set a next achievable goal, things are looking up surely.

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Goal Setting For Beginners

Do you have goals? Well, most of us do. It might be a daily goal, a weekly goal, even a yearly goal, but we have goals. However, not everyone knows how to properly set goals. This article aims to educate the goal-setting novices out there on how to properly set goals.

Setting goals for yourself is like creating a road map to get to your destination. In goal-setting, your destination is succeeding in accomplishing your goals. This means you have to write down your goals on a piece of paper so you can start to get organized. This step allows you to concentrate on your goals rather than leave your ideas scattered throughout your mind.

The first question you have to ask yourself is: Is my goal something that I would really like for myself or is it just something that looks good to other people? This question is crucial because many people make the mistake of setting a goal just to please other people. A good example of this is a college student who chooses a course so that his parents will praise him. What he should actually do is to go where his heart leads him. This means that the goal should match the individual’s personal value system.

Second, a goal should correspond with the other goals you have set for yourself. Like the example we gave above, a college student must not take courses that deviate from the career path he is creating for himself. Not only is this a waste of money but it also opposes the purpose of goal setting – which is to keep his life organized. Deviating is dubbed non-integrated thinking.

Third, set goals for the 6 aspects of your life, which are: Mental and Educational, Physical and Health, Financial and Career, Social and Cultural, Spiritual and Ethical, and lastly, Family and Home. This guarantees that you will maintain a balanced life as you evaluate and amend the basics of your daily life. This step also lessens the level of non-integrated thinking.

Fourth, create goals that emphasize positive thinking rather than negative thoughts. We create a list of goals partly because we want to program our subconscious mind to follow our instructions. This part of our mind – the subconscious – was made solely to follow instructions. So if you want your subconscious to follow positive thinking, think of positive instructions to give it. (Positive thinking is also a useful tool for our development in daily life as a person.)

The next step is to define our goal in a detailed fashion. For the college student who is trying to choose a course, he could write down: “I want to study BA European Languages with a major in German and a minor in French” rather than just state “I want to pick a course in the College of Arts and Letters”. You will notice that the more detailed statement serves to provide the subconscious mind with detailed instructions to follow. Your final outcome becomes more and more definite as you provide more details in the instructions you write down. The subconscious mind works more efficiently if the final outcome is defined well.

In the sixth step, do not downgrade your goals – keep reaching high! That way, if you do not reach your goals, at least you reached a level that is higher than you imagined you could reach.

Lastly, you ought to list your goals on paper. Read your list often so you can focus on them one by one. If you concentrate on accomplishing your goals, it is probable that you will be able to get to where you want to be in life. As you review your goals, it is also possible that you may have to revise your list but that’s okay. Stay flexible if circumstances warrant it.

How to Get Rid of Procrastination in 5 Simple Ways

Procrastination can be a problem for most people. I, myself, am such a master procrastinator that I can easily get awards for being so good at it. Procrastination is analogous to laziness. You set things aside, knowing that there’ll be lots of time to do them in the next hours, days, or even weeks. Personality-wise, procrastination is not positive! It’s a negative force that results in unutilized skills and dullness.

You might be thinking, then, what, really, are the causes of procrastination? Here is a list of typical reasons why I go on procrastinating.

• The right mood. Funny as it may seem, I always wait for the right mood where I feel so happy or active to do certain things. I can consider my mood as a factor to motivate me in accomplishing work.

• The right time. To go with mood is the right timing. There are times when I wake up and prepare to clean the pile of laundry in my basket. But, just as I am willing to wash clothes, the rain suddenly pours. Then it’s procrastination time again.

• Underestimating the time and difficulty of accomplishing a task. I may sound arrogant, but, oftentimes, I underestimate the difficulty of a job. I keep telling myself I can do it in just a short time (and eventually end up with half-baked work).

• Unclear tasks. I always procrastinate when I don’t know what to do and what goals to accomplish.

• Perfectionism. Up to now, I can’t decide if this is a positive or negative attitude. I delay finishing a task because I see to it that every detail, no matter how minute, is well-examined.

It’s ironic that I should be the one giving you tips on how to deal and get rid of procrastination, as I also am guilty of it. But, as they say, a good teacher is someone who had actually undergone the experience. Let me tell you this: all these tips can only be effective if you have a heart to follow them regularly!

1. Be organized. Starting today, organize your things, your room,your time, and your life. Set goals and clearly devise ways to accomplish them. An organized desk can be a good area for work. Finishing a rush report your boss told you to do can be easily and efficiently done if you have set your goals and mapped out methods on how to do it.

2. Set plans! Get your planner and write down all your plans, both for short-term and long-term. Ironing the clothes and cleaning the house can easily be accomplished when you know you have a time limit. As an initial step, plan for a whole day’s work and follow it religiously. It would be better to allot time to certain activities you need to accomplish. For example, an hour to iron clothes. After some time, you will be able to do a week-long plan and so on. Just be conscious not to be too adamant with your entire schedule and always leave ample time for certain emergencies and rest.

3. Time management. Observe your personal time management strategies. Start from the time you go to work to the time you sleep at night. Be sure that you sustain a time balance between your family life, work life, and other personal activities.

4. Control yourself and stay focused! When your brain is telling you to just sleep and neglect the paperwork that need to be accomplished, try to be in control and concentrate. Focusing on what you will and should do are great motivators for you to move constantly.

5. Just do it! Know how to discipline yourself. A simple act of cleaning a mess should be done in an instant. Just think that you’re doing it not only for your own sake but for all the members of the family.

If you always observe yourself as having low productivity, this is the time to take a grip and get rid of procrastination habits. You are in charge of all you do and these delaying tactics are simply not useful. Procrastination will not develop you personally; it’s just a way of prolonging your work further and widening the risk for a half baked finish. Set yourself free from procrastination and get moving NOW.

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Learning to Concentrate and Focus

No matter who you are or what your occupation may be, you will need to learn how to concentrate and focus. You could be a student, or an office worker, or even someone involved in manual labor such as a construction worker but one thing is sure – you will need to devote time and energy to concentration and focus on your occupation.

But first of all, just what is concentration? Concentration is defined as deep mental application towards something. If you are concentrating on something, you devote all your attention to it.

So, what is the difference between concentration and focus?

Focus would be the level of concentration you practice at something. So you could be concentrating on something but perhaps not be focused on it. If you were really interested in that object or person, and devoted all of your concentration on it, it can be said that you are focused.

So how do you learn to focus (meaning you improve the level of your concentration)?

First, you have to accept that there are two types of individuals out there. You could be the type that has learned how to deal with frustration or you could be the type that has not. If you believe you are the former yet find it hard to finish the task you are working on – remember, you can still do more than what you believe you can do. This means really pushing yourself to develop mental stamina by going beyond the point of frustration. Just keep working despite the feeling that you want to give up and you will develop mental endurance.

Second, if you have a tendency to become scatterbrained, try bribing your mind. Do one task at a time but impose time limits – this will prevent your mind from focusing on other less important tasks.

Third, if you still can’t seem to focus, write down your concerns on a to-do list. This allows you to free some space in your mind for immediate concerns, rather than use your mind as a bulletin board.

Last, you have to fight the urge to procrastinate. If you have a task to do, and you want to postpone it, ask yourself: Should I do this? If I do it, will I keep worrying about it? If I postpone it, will it be easier to do later? By asking yourself those 3 key questions, you gain the motivation to mentally apply yourself towards finishing your goal.

Reduce Self-Doubt

Are these familiar dialogues for you: “I don’t have the nerve to try that!” or “that’s too risky!” or “I’m not sure I can do that” etc? Are you one of those people who always doubt your own ability? Well, you’re not alone. A lot of people do not have confidence in themselves. Every change in the normal way of life gets tons of introspection and most of the time, self-doubt wins and not trying seems safer. However, safe does not always mean best; sooner or later you’ll get depressed being always stuck on a rut. You have to reduce these self-doubts then to move ahead.

It will help if you can figure out why you feel wimpy all the time. Is it because of a past mistake that crippled you so much? Are you afraid to end up like someone you knew who took too much risk? Were you told often by authority figures – parents, sibling, teachers or officers – that you don’t and can’t amount to anything? You’ve probably heard it so often that you believed it as the universal truth all the time.

Deep down you know it’s not true, right? Not all risks will result into failure and you can avoid making the same mistake your friend did. Silence the inner critic in you then. You don’t have to listen to past criticisms. Nor should you judge all your other abilities based on a single failure. Instead draw on your strengths and keep them in mind. Granted, it’s not going to be easy. But you can take baby steps and not leap into anything that you’re not ready for.

Start by cataloguing your positives. Take out a sheet of paper and list down the things that you know you can do. Fill it up from the whimsical – able to juggle four balls in the air, for example – to the downright great ones like a good grasp of grammar. Look back and try to remember how you knew those skills. Some of them probably were inherited or something that you learned instinctively. But the rest were skills that you got only thru experience. Therefore, you must have tried it before and found out that you can do it. That list becomes a physical proof that you are someone who can do something and by the same token, can do a lot more if you can just get out of your safety zone and try something new again.

Banish those doubts and see how high you can fly.

What It Means to Commit

In these times when divorce and separations are so common, celebrating more than five years of marriage is surprising. A dozen years seems to border on a miracle! No relationship is 100% perfect for sure, but it takes a little bit of extra to stay married that long. One such extra effort is commitment.

What do you need to commit most to get a shot in a marriage for life? Commit your time and feelings.

Quality time to spend with your love ones is never wasted. It could be a couple of hours or a couple of minutes to talk about what’s happening and share problems, hopes and dreams. It would also be great if you can find some common interest that you can both spend time together doing. You might have different hobbies for example, but if you try and find out how your partner enjoys that hobby, you might learn to like it to. Or you could just enjoy being silent together – reading books or watching movies side by side. When you commit time into your relationship, you would be surprised by the things you’ll learn by being together now that you’re married. You also keep lines of communication better that way and many couples say that’s the key to the best kind of relationship.

Commitment is another term for promise. And you know what they say about promises – it’s not meant to be broken. It’s also not meant to be done lightly. You see, commitment entails giving more than you have ever done before. You have to hang on from the start and don’t let go when things get shaky. Never ever hesitate to do your best to make your relationship work. Like cheating and mistrust, divorce and separation should be terms that should not easily come into your vocabulary. Instead, choose to look for the positives in each other – be it a good steady income or having a fantastic sense of humor – and focus on it. Be a partner in the true sense of the word – someone to lean on to; someone to boost the other up; and best of all, someone to share a lifetime with.

So whether you said your vows in front of a priest or a rabbi or a monk or a justice of the peace, commit your all to fulfilling them in the best way that you can. You’ll find that there’s no effort at all to commit 5, 10 or 50 years together.

Why Motivation and Inspiration from Love Life Can Lead to Career Development

Renaissance poet John Donne’s famous line – no man is an island – succinctly describes man’s innate dependence on relationships and social structures. Human beings, just as most species in the animal kingdom, also need other people’s company, love, appreciation and approval.

Most, if not all, books, essays, poems, stories, myths, traditions that man have created all these countless years are either inspired by or about relationships – family, country, and, most especially, romantic connections. Even murder and war stories are made more interesting and real by adding paramour links between characters.

The human being’s preoccupation with romantic liaisons is proof that man needs a special person to inspire him or her to succeed in whatever endeavor and venture he or she takes on. A loving and passionate relationship with someone usually brings out the best in all of us. Furthermore, it gives us more motivation to be on top, to make our loved one proud of us.

We have seen in newspapers and television news programs that an unharmonious relationship between husbands and wives, or partners, lead to depression, self-destruction, and even bloody endings. Such incidents will make us conclude that a person cannot properly thrive in a work environment if his or her personal relationship is in shambles.

Most of the time, career development can be partly attributed to a healthy married life or a rewarding and inspiring love relationship. Although determination, patience and hard work are also factors in getting ahead of the corporate rat race, living in a loving and supportive atmosphere at home will help make an individual motivated to strive and aspire for more.

Here are some reasons why a harmonious and inspiring love life can boost your career:

Amorous relationships inspire us all

People need a loving relationship to help prompt them to do their best, much like poets and artists need their muse to produce lyrical phrases and artistic masterpieces. Franklin Roosevelt wouldn’t be able to snap out of his depression as result of his physical condition if not for the gentle urging and inspiration of his wife, Eleanor.

In contrast, some individuals with strained relationships with their wife, husband, partner, boyfriend or girlfriend lack the motivation to do well in other aspects of life, including their career. Instead, a number of broken-hearted people resort to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain that they feel.

Although the state of a person’s love life is not directly responsible for his or her achievement or demise, it is, in a roundabout way, a factor in his or her success or failure.

Harmonious and loving relationships encourages us to focus on our career.

In order to be the best you can be, you need the support and unconditional love of your partner. Most committed people who are driven and focused in succeeding in their careers usually have healthy and harmonious relationship with their lovers.

On the contrary, those experiencing difficulties in their relationships are usually distracted and out of focus. Sometimes individuals having love-related problems cannot perform even simple tasks, such as answering the phone or encoding a letter. Pain caused by broken marriages or relationship splits usually drive people to depression.

Even if you don’t acknowledge it, the state of your personal and love life hugely affects your productivity and creativity. A happy and fulfilling relationship with the person you love will drive you to be the best and can help you overcome obstacles in your career. Although a supportive and loving relationship is not the only key to career development, it is an important factor to make us believe in our capabilities.

Remember Live Your Life By Choice, Not By Chance.

Big Thoughts and Big Actions Make Dreams Come True!

Yes, these two can indeed make your thoughts materialize – even big, seemingly impossible dreams. The process is very straightforward, applying the law of manifestation.

It all begins in your mind, with a single thought. If you think small, you get small results. But if you think big, what do you think your results will be? If you think, a small bungalow will be fine as my house, then most likely that is what you will get. On the other hand, if you think you would like a two-storey house with a pool and garden, then again, that is what you will most likely get.

Feeling, or passion, follows. This is where the question “How badly do I want this?” comes in. Also, “What am I willing to do in order to get this?” The answer to this determines your level of commitment. Your passion and commitment also dictate your results.

Based on your thought and passion, you set a specific goal with a specific deadline. It is best to write it down as the subconscious mind absorbs it better when you write it down.

Then take big actions that are only worthy of your big thoughts! If you are looking for your dream house, find out how much it costs and how you are going to get it. Think about and visualize your dream house everyday. This activates the law of attraction, where you attract people and events related with what you think about most. Stay alert for “coincidences” from the universe – for example, suddenly meeting an architect or anyone who can help you get that dream house.

Change your actions if needed until you reach your goal. If for example your sources of income are not enough to finance your dream house, then you may have to change them or add to them.
In time, you will reach your goal.

Just keep this formula in mind – big thoughts and big feelings lead to big goals, which in turn lead to big actions, finally leading to big results!